Matrimony Classics

Hi,

I received this from an old pal and thought of sharing it.

This is Ultimate.................I bet u can't stop laughing.

These are girls’ profiles taken from shaadi.com these are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

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Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If

any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good

education but i working all field in bangalore if u like me u

welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident

or send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards Sowmya ~*~

(Truly yours)

Desperate Invitation...

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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state

she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Homework?)

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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I

love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.

I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i

love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on

........hold my hand forever!!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

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i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my

lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but

while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...)

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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO

LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL

MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY

THEY ARE

1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.

2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION

3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing {laughing})

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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone

groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he

would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)

In fact she doesn’t know what she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I

love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is

suffering from "Ok-syndrome")

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iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father &

mother sister completely married

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married

' completely'?)

(Confused?????)

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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me

pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(Height of desperation!)

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iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)

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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.

i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the

good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other

caste accepted

(but credit cards not accepted..???)

(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted? Clean Habits??????? Is there

anything like that.)

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I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social

service.

(Zebra...?)

(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color)

Management Secrets Revealed

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.


When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.


After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
 
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." 

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

 "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii ,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." 

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say
Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." 

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there


 Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. 

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
 
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story: 

       (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy

       (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend 

       (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! 

       This ends the management course.